My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
