Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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