Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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