I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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