I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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