he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
