ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
