I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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