I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
