I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
