He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize