A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Did I show you my penis last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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