Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
