i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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