im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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