Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
