If that was your dad, he is hot
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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