You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
