when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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