Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
