youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
