What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
