Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she peed on how many people?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ladies don't puke and tell
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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