I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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