its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
