I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
