used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
