I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
