no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
