it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
