All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
