Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize