flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
