oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
