I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
