Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
