I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
