My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
