i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
