I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
