your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
