my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
