his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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