Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
