Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
