i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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