walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
