so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
