so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
