who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
