We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
