I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
