He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
