so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
