Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
