Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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