DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
