Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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