We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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