we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
