theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
