I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You made out with two different species that night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
