We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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