WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
