3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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