she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize