just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
