wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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