I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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