I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
