you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
